


Sam

by KarleeKarma



Series: Perfect Day [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26665000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarleeKarma/pseuds/KarleeKarma
Summary: You'd known them since you were young, the memories of a perfect day and an unfinished teenage love story haunting you for years. The drama that tore you apart and brought you all back together again told in turn by you, Sam and then Dean.A Collaboration with between DandelionDreaming, KarleeKarma and Drasna, each telling a piece of the story in turn from the Reader, Sam's and then Dean's point of view.This was such fun for the three of us to write, hope you enjoy reading just as much. 💙 😘Part 2: Sam’s story.
Relationships: Sam Winchester/Reader, Sam Winchester/You
Series: Perfect Day [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939999
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Sam

[ **PERFECT DAY** ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2NFGqHVEd56oX1huVznefq?si=5Yhwr_dATaq5kS1yBc1qsQ)  
  


**_Just a perfect day_ **

**_You made me forget myself_ **

**_I thought I was_ **

**_Someone else, someone good…_ **

**LOU REED**

“Tell me a story” I whisper, shifting closer to curl around her, to lay my aching head on her soft stomach. I wrap my arms around her, holding her as tight as I can, even as I sweat and shake. Her gentle hands run through my hair, as soft and soothing as always.

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful boy named Sam." My eyes flutter closed at the familiar words, familiar cadence. It's an old story, one made up by hopeful children. "He was always different, and it took him such a long time to understand that it wasn't a bad thing. That he was the best thing, loved, and cared for with all his freaky edges." Her hands trace my face, feel my smile. Just for her.

"He had a brother Dean…" My mind drifts, half-listening to the story, half-filled with images and memories of youth. 

She was always so beautiful. We didn't always get to spend time together, but when we did it was perfection. We were often left alone to fill days and nights with anything and everything we could. We spent days hiding from the world, studying our school work and the lore. Testing each other on algebra and how to kill a Djinn. I would watch her, hunched over books and notepaper, a little frown between her brows and her hair shining in the light.

I fell in love with that frown. I fell in love with the way she would mutter to herself about homework and how hard dead man’s blood was to get hold of. If we were lucky enough to spend time at Bobby’s, while our dads teamed up, we would seek out a car far from the house and hang out there; her in the front seat and me in the back. We’d make up stories for each other. Stories that made us laugh, stories to share secret fears, stories to hold on to hope for the future. We’d dream about what it would be like to have a normal life. With a mom. An apple pie life. She would smile, her supple lips curling upwards and tell me she wouldn’t know what to do with an apple pie life if it hit her in the face.

I snuggle closer to her, wanting to hold onto her warmth as long as I can. She runs her hand down my arm, so hot on my cold skin. I tilt my head as far as I can to look into her eyes. They shine like they always have, but this time it’s a shine of tears. She smiles softly at me.

“Then this one amazing day…”

The summer at the cabin. Where I learned what peace was, what calm felt like. Dean and our fathers on back to back hunts leaving us to hold down the temporary home base. I watched her storm around the place and sulk at being left behind. I enjoyed being left behind, it was easy. Nobody barked orders at me, dad and I didn't fight. I was free to prep for college without anyone having an opinion to share with the room. I spent that month helping her research and getting everything in order for the fall. She spent that month with the little frown I loved between her eyes and unspoken words on her lips. I knew she wanted me to stay but knew I couldn’t. She knew I wanted her to join me but knew she couldn’t. So we danced around the issue together, her with the frown I longed to kiss away, me with the words I had to tell her waiting for the perfect moment.

We were supposed to be inside doing research that day, but it was too warm, the lake too enticing. Eventually, she slammed her book closed, stood, and declared "Screw this, we're going swimming like normal teenagers."

Moments later we were chasing each other to the lake, her joyous laughter filling the air. We swam to the raft; her hand in mine as I pulled her out of the water made my heart pound. For the first time in a long time, I felt pure. She made me forget the insidious voice in my mind, always dripping poison into my soul. The voice that told me I was unclean, unworthy. Damaged. Her skin against mine made me feel like I was someone else, someone good.

I capture her fingers with mine, squeeze them as hard as I can. Her touch still silences the darkness within. I don’t know what I’ll do without it.

She was so beautiful, sun-kissed and glowing. Perfect. My heart pounded every time I caught her eyes, every touch of her skin was electric. In the late afternoon sun of that hot July day, I finally cupped her face gently in my hands and pressed my lips to hers. I told her I loved her, I had always loved her.

That summer was heaven. We woke up in each other’s arms, her sparkling eyes the first thing I saw. I breathed in her strawberry shampoo and citrus-scented skin every night when I closed my eyes. I listened to her sigh in her sleep as she shifted further into my arms. I finally kissed away the frown between her brows after I told her she was the most stunning girl I’d ever seen.

We spent hours exploring each other, running hands over heated skin. I committed to memory every sigh and moan she made. I laid her on my flannel shirt in the grass and kissed every inch of her skin. I showed her how good her body could feel under my hands and my mouth while she cried out and shook, hands locked in my hair.

She begged me for more. For that last step, that last first for us to share. I held her hands as I explained I couldn’t take that from her knowing I was leaving her. It wouldn’t be right. I didn’t voice the surety I felt that I would taint her. That she was light and good and deserved better than my darkness.

My arms tighten around her with as much strength as I can muster as the waves of hurt and guilt wash over me. Her hand runs through my hair, soothing the pain of the past.

I can still see her face that day. She had tried to smile, to wish me well but I could see the sorrow. Once I reached Stanford it was easier to pretend back home didn't exist. I didn't call, I didn't visit. I refused to think about how I’d wiped her tears the day we said goodbye, my own cheeks wet. How I had told her she was beautiful and powerful and I loved her. How I turned away from her.

I threw myself into college life, trying to leave my old life behind. I wasn't the solider dad wanted. I wasn't Dean's little brother. I wasn't her Sammy. I was just Sam. I had plans, a scholarship to Stanford, and the drive to become a lawyer. I had a place to call home, friends I didn't have to leave behind. I met a girl, Jess. I fell in love. She was smart, funny, kind, and beautiful. I left the past behind. I moved on. The love I felt for her never dimmed, never faded. It became a part of me. When the insidious voice whispered from the darkness I would recall the day on the lake, the feel of her lips on mine in the warm sun.

You can't run from your past forever, it always catches up with you. She and Dean came to Stanford. "Dad's been on a hunting trip…" My heart sank. I knew what that meant. When Jess came out of our bedroom to investigate the noise I saw the shadow in her eyes. How could I explain it? I had left the life behind and that meant her too. It didn't mean I didn't love her, but I hadn't planned on coming back.

I watched her and Dean as I packed a bag and reassured Jess that it was all okay, I was going to help them find my dad. I would be back by Monday for my interview. They stood close together, closer than before. There was an intimacy there that I'd never seen before. Nothing overt, just an unspoken knowledge of each other. Dean’s hand on the small of her back as he passed her. A soft smile between them that I’d never seen before. Dean’s eyes lighting up when she laughed. I tried to push my hurt aside. I was out, I wasn't going back. This was a blip of a weekend and I would be back to normal on Monday. So what did it matter if she was with Dean? At least he hadn't loved her and left her as I would have… as I did. I had no right to be angry, to be hurt. The voice in my darkness gloated. Of course, she ended up with Dean. The better brother, the pure brother. He could love her in a way I never could, he wouldn't taint her.

I pull myself from my memories to listen to her story again. Our story. She's rushing through Dean going to hell. She feels cold in my arms but I don't know if it's my skin or hers that is cooling. I rub my cheek against her stomach, it’s about all the movement I can manage now. My arms are still wrapped around her but now they’re numb. My body is still curled into hers. She gazes down at me, her soft lips curled up in a sweet smile. I want to feel those gentle lips against mine but my muscles won’t move now. Memories pull me back down as her voice lulls my eyes closed again.

After Stanford things were different. We were different. She was angry about Jess and I was angry about Dean. We managed a civil truce between the three of us. It was tense and it was awkward but we avoided the subjects and eventually a feeling of peace was formed. The love that had melted into the background in California re-emerged. I longed to kiss away her frown as she tracked down cases. If I showered after her I would smell the same body wash and wish I could smell it on her skin again. But I couldn’t. I had left and moved on and so had she. I had to watch her wake up in Dean’s arms while mine were empty. I watched them share sweet kisses and my heart ached. Late at night, when they thought I was sleeping, I would hear her soft sighs and muffled moans. Sounds I knew so well, but they weren’t for me anymore. It was agony but I had made my choices and now I had to live with them.

Until Dean went to hell. We fought it until the last seconds, desperately trying to free him from his deal. But he was ripped from our arms and taken regardless.

In the aftermath we floundered. I threw myself into reversing what Dean had done. Finding a spell, making a deal, anything to bring him back. I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, I drank too much and I became a man obsessed. She begged me to stop. “Sammy it’s over, he’s gone. You have to let him go.” We fought, again and again. I was so angry. “How can you give up on him? Dean would never stop looking for a way to save you. Did you even love him? Or was he just the closest Winchester who would have you?” I roared, ignoring the way she crumpled in the face of my rage. “If you’re not going to help me then go. I’ll figure this out on my own.” I spat. She sobbed, curling in on herself as if I’d physically hit her. I didn’t care. I turned away, abandoning her… again.

She left while I was sleeping. No note, no goodbye. Just the keys to the impala on the table. I didn’t blame her. She had always deserved better than me. I had nothing to offer her but darkness.

“Sorry. I’m so sorry baby” Guilt washes over me and I have to tell her again how sorry I am for everything. It’s hard to talk, hard to get enough air but I have to tell her. She’s only been back a few months. I thought we had all the time in the world to try and find that day at the lake again. Life is cruel like that.

I try hard to stay in the moment, listen to her finish our story.

“But they thought they had more time” She stops.

Our story is over.

“So sorry. I love you. I always have. Always” It hurts to get the words out. I hear myself gasping between them. At least she knows. If I never speak again, I told her I love her, I’ve always loved her. I have no strength to clutch her to me now. I’m no longer cold, no longer shaking. I feel her kiss my head. I hope Dean reaches her in time. I know I’m at the end, but I pray she has the strength to hang on.

I feel a tear slip from my eye as I close them a final time. Too hard to keep them open now. “Love you so much.” I hear her whisper. I try to whisper back but there’s no air in my lungs. I hope she holds on for Dean. Please let him reach her in time… Please…

A splash of water jolts my eyes open. I blink and sit up, try to work out where I am. Warm wood beneath me and dappled sunlight on my skin. The raft on the lake. I look over the side expecting to see her there, remembering how she looked in the water that day, hair slicked back and tan skin on show. How I reached out for her hand, pulling her onto the warm wood. She was weightless in my arms as I lay her out in the sun. Her bright eyes blinking up at me as I leant down to press my lips against hers, the way she melted under me, a soft sigh escaping her. Her face radiating with joy as I told her I loved her, her smile as she told me she’d always loved me. 

We’d stayed on the raft for hours, laughing and joking. I kissed her again and again, wrapped her up in my arms in the afternoon sun. She was so soft and warm against my skin, smelling of strawberry shampoo and citrus body wash. 

“Such a perfect day” She’d sighed.

“I’m glad I spent it with you.” I whisper, looking around the empty raft, smiling at the memory, settling in to wait for her. However long it takes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Perfect Day - Lou Reed
> 
> Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2NFGqHVEd56oX1huVznefq?si=5Yhwr_dATaq5kS1yBc1qsQ


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